Featured

Welcome, and here’s what you can expect from me.

I was born with ink in my veins and a story in my soul. My only problem is I perfected the art of procrastination at the beginning of my teenage years.

I may not update regularly with my original material, and I may not talk about things you particularly want to hear, but I believe we can happily co-exist in this reader-writer partnership if we practice patience and kindness.

This little website I have set up here is for a school project, but I’m planning on taking it further into my life. It should be interesting to see where my writing career takes me (hopefully I’ll have finished at least the first book in my novel saga I have been planning for nearly a decade…more to come on that later).

I’m a poet, first and foremost. Although I came into this industry with my heart completely set on becoming a novelist, I have found a gateway for getting my intentions across through poetry. A lot of my poetry, and my writing in general, deals with some heavy stuff. Consider this your trigger warning, folks: I write about self-harm, depression, anxiety and disabilities.

I love receiving feedback, both of critic and of praise, so please don’t hesitate to comment on my work.

Also, just a disclaimer: All of this work is my own, and I claim copyright over my posts and comments.

 

Bye for now,

Taylor xx

Advertisements

Control

Flickers of pain reminds me
Of sharp images with a silver lining
Dreams of scars tearing apart
Fear fills my heart

I want to do it
I need to because it
Is the only thing
I can control within

I can’t control my eating
My sleeping heart beating
Fighting in my chest
Choking on my own sweat
And blood and tears
Pool out of my dark fears

I have to remove myself from it
But I fear my resolve will slip
I blink and I’ll find bruises
In the strangest places
Ladders of loathing
Ruby red linings glowing

Moments of mild madness
Remember pain as precious
Nursing wounds of old
Tearing up new holes
Into the delicate flesh
My heart wants to protect
But my mind needs to bleed it out

So I pick my dark self
Up off the shelf
And I help her bleed me out

 

[PSA: If anybody is suffering from mental health issues, please know suicide is NEVER an option. If you would like help, and you live in Australia, please contact the number in the image attached to this poem. If you live in America, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1800 273 TALK (8255). If you live in the United Kingdom, please contact 1850 60 90 90. I’ll leave a link here for a list of other national suicide hotlines. Please, talk to somebody that can help you.]

(Also please know I am okay, I have not attempted anything. I had dark thoughts that scared me and I sought help before anything could happen.)

Magnolias

Every now and then
My heart gets heavy
As if it’s trying to remind me
Of childhood desires
I had buried deep in hallways
Within my forgotten life

Swimming to the bottom
Holding my breath and floating
Dancing along the line
Death, life, blurred
In our backyard pool

I held fascination with death
Whimsical ideations
Picturesque magnolias sprawled
Above water
Imagining my life on
The edge of a razor blade

Darkness clouds my vision
As it so often does
Every now and then I consider
Fighting against survival
Whether it’s underwater
Or the same razor I balance on

But my warrior goddess wins
Every time I emerge
Darkness fading
Light spilling over my face

And just like that
I take a deep breath
Before I dive back in

It’s fun dancing
On the razor’s edge

 

…isn’t it?

How to Love Yourself

Inspired by Dean Gervasoni! Go and give his poetry tumblr some love! Words Among The Stars

A seven-step guide
By an anxiety-ridden adult.
Results may vary;
Repeat if necessary.

Step One:
When you see your colours dance
Follow the violet hues until they flow
Into magenta red rushing into gold
Don’t bury yourself into one shade

Step Two:
When your insides begin to shake
Let them crash and burn in safety
Allow your box of untouchable fears
To crush itself into oblivion

Step Three:
Take in the silence
Drown yourself in the whistle of the wind
Appreciate small triumphant breaths
Expand your chest to welcome the breeze

Step Four:
Remember to nourish yourself
Not just on food, but excitement
Don’t just drink water
Gulp down happiness and positivity

Step Five:
Allow yourself emotion
Something good finally happens
You are allowed to be indulgent
Let your stars shine bright than the city

Step Six:
Forgive yourself
The past cannot be retraced
Let your poison drain away
Understand your soul is yearning for the future

Step Seven:
You are whole again.
I’m proud of who you are.
Never fear the beat of your heart;
It’s telling you “I’m alive”.

Trees of Memory

You dance in my nostalgic dreams,
Ripping up every bad thought
And for a moment, I think of you.
But these roots run deep.
My bad thoughts bleed.

The sight of your headlights
String my muscles up on branches,
Trying to force my mind
Not to run, but it does.
Every time I see those damn lights
That aren’t even yours.

I guess I’ll find somewhere
To bury the idea of you;
Maybe I’ll set you up
In a romantic novel.
Not as the one that got away,
But the one who stepped aside.

Because as much
As these memories haunt me,
I don’t look on them unkindly.
Without you, I never would have
Found the one
My heart and soul belongs.

Despite.

Despite the waves
That crash in your throat
You sing your favourite songs
Louder than the stereo

Despite the hummingbird
Trapped in your chest
You smile and shine
Brighter than the sun

Despite the scars
Hidden under your sleeves
You wrap your arms
Tighter around the ones you love

Despite the dark words
Echoing in your mind
You know your will to live is
Stronger every day

Growing

Time has begun to fade
My wide-eyed rosy gaze
While I hold much love for you
Foundation cracks come through

You have made me who I am
Raised me right and true to plan
Dependency is healthy when young
To live without it makes you strong

I thank you with all my heart
For watching me make my mark
Don’t be sad and please don’t cry
With these wings, I’ll touch the sky

My Black Dog.

I have a black dog.
I refuse to name it.
It’s not here at the moment.
I prefer when it has run away.

My black dog has
A menacing scowl.
Its’ eyes are dark and stormy.
When I see it, I know
I’ll regret acknowledging it.

Sometimes it doesn’t do anything.
It sits just out of my eye-line.
Close enough to remind me
Something’s wrong.
But far enough
I can’t be touched by it.

Other times it sits on my chest.
He’ll either sit and glare
Or he’ll howl and bite me.
Personally I prefer the latter
Because at least it’s emotion.

I have a black dog.
I refuse to name it.
It’s sitting on me, glaring right now.
Do you have one too?